Head Up

Yesterday I saw a farmer pulling a cart on his tractor. A pretty normal scene where I live, until I noticed his daughter scrunched down in the back with her head between her knees.

It was then that a thousand feelings rushed over me.

You see, I spent most of my pre-teen and early teens in that very same position.

Looking back, I actually believe that my father got a certain thrill out embarrassing me. Such an easy task, though, at that age when you think the whole world is laughing at you.

He had a 1954 old Chevy truck that barely ran. He would start working on it early Saturday and by Sunday afternoon it was up and running. Through a black cloud of smoke one could see a proud father driving this loud stinking calamity through suburbia. It was at the exact time that all the good people did their normal suburban weekend activities like washing their cars and mowing their lawns. If you happened to look inside, you would have a seen a blond ball of shame on the floorboards in the very same position as the farmer's daughter.

I knew exactly how she felt in the back of that tractor. There were people watching, lots of people watching. Come on Dad!

Now that I am older, I feel a little guilty that I didn't pick my head up and enjoy the ride. I think of all the things I missed with my head down, worrying about what people thought.

If I could, I would have shouted to that young girl to pick her head up because she may regret it someday.

But some lessons, I guess folks need to learn on their own.

I am trying to learn this even at my age. Trying to hold my head up, so I don't miss a thing even through all the loud stinking calamity.

Thanks Dad.

I love you.

A Series Of Firsts

A group of us were talking the other night about how quickly time flies as an adult compared to when we were younger....much younger.

Here it is already Fall. It's like I went to bed one sticky Summer night, and woke up surrounded by vibrant colors wearing my favorite jacket.

I found that the reason time seems to speed by as an adult is that you don't experience as many first time events. First time events create lasting memories, which help slow down the illusion of the passing of time . I will never forget my first kiss. We both had braces and we were both scared of being permanently attached. A long time ago, yet it feels like yesterday, because it was a first.

Since I found this out, I want to lead my life as a series of firsts. It's already happening.

I grew up in Texas and didn't have the advantage of experiencing seasonal change. I remember 3 seasons-hot, hotter, and hottest.

Six years ago, I saw my first Fall, while living in Germany. It was breath-taking. Something inside me came alive, a feeling I had never felt before.

We now live in Ohio where the climate is quite similar. Each day there are more and more colors. Colors you wouldn't believe found in nature! God's palette is hard to replicate.

Believe me, I try.

Fall...

It's still a first for me.

One I know I will never forget

year after year.

What is It ?

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

— Marilyn Monroe

What a profound, simplistic way of viewing things. It makes you wonder why she chose to leave this life in the manner in which she did.

Lately, I have been hearing the phrase, " it is, what it is". I have to admit that I have been saying it a lot too.

But it got me thinking. What exactly is," it " and is " it " a constant?

I came up with this loose correlation.

If, "it" is what we perceive to be real, thus becoming reality

and reality is all, meaning everything;

then

" it " must be all.

Some believe the way we perceive the world is an illusion and that nothing is real. I believe there is some truth to that. But that can be a scary thing, because an illusion can become a reality. Some people may spend their whole life in an illusion.

The only way their perception can change is through experience and awareness.

Marylin appreciated the good by experiencing the bad.

Her "it" was not a constant.

Being able to see through an illusion is a very difficult thing to do, since we all see the world subjectively.

It's important to surround yourself with those that validate your perceptions.

But, most importantly, that validation should come from within.

I believe Marylin was right. She figured the only way to overcome was to know and trust herself.

She was aware of the illusion and she was also aware of the dual nature of good and bad.

This was her knowing.

It still makes you wonder..

Perhaps, she knew too much....

So what do you think?

Is it what it is?

Perhaps, only if YOU allow it to be.

Pretty Packages

Years ago, I rented a small apartment in an old house. One day I was invited to a party by a fellow tenant. He was nice enough, but rather square. I accepted for lack of anything better to do. Plus, I was new in town and I didn't know too many people. The party was hosted by one of his co-workers, who was from India. It was in honor of his new wife, who had just arrived to America. She was beautiful. I was entranced, yet more so intrigued by the whole arranged marriage.

Along with all her mystique, she brought with her several gifts from her country to share with the guests.

I sat on a couch between my square neighbor and another computer geek trying to digest the whole concept. It was her first time in America. She didn't know a soul, not even her new husband. I was scared for her.

On the coffee table a beautifully wrapped box of colorful candies caught my eye. The hostess gestured for me to try one and within seconds the arranged marriage wasn't the only thing I was trying to digest. How was I going to swallow this hard concoction that tasted rather fishy?

She was watching and waiting eagerly for my response. I waited until she glanced away, quickly spat the candy back into the wrapper , and hid it deep within the couch cushion.

When she glanced back, I smiled and lied. Her country's candy was delicious!

I thought I was in the clear until a little dog came out of nowhere and began pawing at the cushion. It happened all too fast.

And there it was, my lie.

My lie exposed

chewed, spat, and hidden away.

I was so ashamed.

Years have passed since. I am more cautious now for I am aware that some things wrapped in beautiful packages may taste fishy.

It's okay to refuse them, but if you accept them, you better be prepared for the consequences.

Waiting For My Denouement

It was always to my understanding that in order for a drama to reach it's conclusion or denouement, there had to be some sort of climax. The denouement was that quiet time when one realized all the intricacies of the plot.

Right now I am stuck in a drama impending a climax. I am wondering, though, if it is possible to skip the climax and reach the denouement?

~FIN

A Pledge To A Sunflower

You were the only one facing my direction in a sea of others.

I made sure of it.

It was like wishing I may and wishing I might, that you were really the first and only star before I made my wish.

So I made a wish, which was more like a pledge.

A pledge of allegiance to you for being different,

for having the courage to face a different direction,

and be yourself.

A Not So Subtle Sign

There are some signs in life that need no explanation. They're

placed right in front of us, unavoidable, and most often lacking in originality.

I find that the most obvious ones, usually go unnoticed. By time you realize it was a sign, you've made an illegal u-turn and caused a major accident.

At what point do you turn back and is it safe?

Should you wait for another sign?

I believe in signs.

I often wonder if I look too intently for them, thus avoiding the reason

they were placed there in the first place.