Tuesday, September 11, 2007

yesterday and today

Last night we had to attend a function with John’s co workers and their families.
I don’t know why I get so anxious meeting military-folk. I know they are just normal people, well most of them. I guess it is because I don’t have children and I feel the need to explain myself.

I am considered a freak of nature because I am 40 and I chose not to have kids. I worry that my explanations are not valid and appear selfish. Like, I didn’t want to get fat or share my husband or that I wanted to travel.
I had a dream the night before that I was having to show my ID card and it kept falling apart. It was like I was 16 again rehearsing the name and birth date on my fake one (yes, mom I had one) before getting into a club.
You even had to know your fake astrological sign just in case the bouncer quizzed you.
In the dream the ID card was actually mine, but they didn’t believe it.
Luckily the evening went fine and I didn’t have to explain myself. No one asked my astrological sign either.
All in all, I guess I am still trying to present to the world my identity -no matter how flimsy it may seem . Although, I have become more valid with age, I still get anxious when questioned.


Anonymous said...

I like you just the way you are - childless...Lurking Lisa

thorngren said...

Thank you Lisa and thanks for lurking